Thursday, May 10, 2012

God of War III (PS3)

God of War III is stupid.  It is really really stupid.  Kratos is consumed with a need for a revenge.  A need so strong he will kill EVERY LIVING THING.  This is not play for a moral message.  This is played as to be AWESOME.

The game begins in the middle of something huge.  Kratos is on a Titan climbing towards mount Olympus.  Apparently shit is going to get real.  You and the titan on a macro and micro scale start fighting Poseidon.  Your chain blades pass straight through his water crabhorsedragon body like it was on noclip.  There's on friction to that attack.  On hard mode I hit the enemy and it kind of blinked and it hit me and I flew in the air.  I never felt any friction or connection to a fight that was supposed to be AWESOME.  Then there are like the mook enemies and you hit like 20 of them and it doesn't feel like you're doing anything.

Then I saw from a first person perspective eyes getting jabbed out.  That was Kratos making orange juice with Poseidon.  He then fell to Earth and flooded the world.  Good job Asshole. I totally want Kratos to be real and come to my birthday party.  Then he can Revenge everyone I know because VENGENCE and AWESOME.

Then there's a like a sex minigame?

This shit is embarrassing.  I mean the game.  Andrew Toups did say it better than I did when he was talking about the prequel more than 5 years ago.

Oh it was completely hilarious when I could just stand in place for 5 seconds while the boss (on hard) did an AWESOME attack that had no chance of hitting me.

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