Saturday, August 8, 2015

Getting Old and Wasting Time

After every movie I watch on Hulu I go back to my queue and count it.  It's currently at 96.  When I got the urge to update this blog, I was trying to write reviews of what I had seen on it.  That fell off.  When I first got the subscription I screamed at the amount of Criterion films on there.  I've now seen a whole bunch of Criterion films and still have a bunch more I intend to see.  I think.

But one day I'm going to die.  I'm going to die and have wasted a whole lot of time on dumb media.  That's what you get for being an introvert who doesn't drink and just wants to move to the other side of the world already.  Until then, a bunch of video games and movies and not enough books.  Not to say books are a better way to spend your time.  I hate that I read all 1000 pages of 1Q84.  I respect that I read all of Lord of the Rings and declare that the movies are definitely better.  I read all of Anna Karenina and feel like I learned something.  I didn't love it.  I question if it didn't have any cultural baggage would I have dropped it.

Cultural Baggage caused me to finish two films recently.  They both had acclaim for reasons.  Neither of them were particularly long. Y tu mama tambien ended up being a decent film in the end.  I was happy I watched it.  The ?actual? sex at the beginning and marijuana usage made me fear it was going to be about shitty asshole teens doing shitty asshole stuff.  There are a lot of those.  I had just seen Spainish language film about that Deprisa, Deprisa.  Outside of a man staring into a fire and seeing truth I got nothing out of it.  I hate shitty assholes be shitty assholes films.  There are a lot of them.  Their rebellion is so small and self-centered and only about themselves being crap-containers. 

Y Tu Mama Tambien had a decent movie in it.  Near the end, they play a jukebox number B-13.  I used that as a randomizer and on my queue B-13 ended up being Gimme Shelter.  The Rolling Stones documentary.  Not a Rolling Stones fan (sorry!) the music didn't give me much.  The eventual chaos was smaller scale than I thought.  I did want a bit more journalism in it.  Or any journalism.  Which wasn't the point.  The point was a whole lot of people were on a whole lot of drugs.

So back to the queue.  What's at the top? A Legend or Was it? ideallic farmside in the opening.  Something feels off in my head.  I pull open reviews.  They don't say specifics but they keep mentioning it gets dark.  I decide the film is going to be a bad time. I close out and remove it from my queue.  I feel..guilt? about not finishing the film.  I didn't get my full experience?  I could have given it more time.  It still nags me days later.  There's not even a friend or a website yelling at me about the film.  Just silent tug at my brain that you need to do a thing.  And I know the answer is no.  There are infinite films that will instantly grab my attention and enjoyment.  Or films I can re-visit that I know I enjoy.  I could on Hulu re-watch I Hate But Love, Kill!, A Flame At the Pier.  Or see films I am actually intersted in.  Or watch Parks and Recreation?  Or a classic sitcom just to see if it is any good. or ALL OF SEINFELD.  But no I should waste this time on this film.  My brain is telling me to.

So I'm fighting that impluse but then in video games I will get sucked into doing complete bullshit.  Or against my better judgement go after trophies because ???  There was a quiz recently that showed my "gamer type" or whatever.

That chart is pretty much true.  It doesn't go into how I will try for achievements and completions against my rational judgement.  I know I get nothing outside of running towards the day I will die.  I should at 30 be focused on learning or enjoyment.  I get nothing out of doing side crap.  Or even beating a game I don't enjoy.  Better to play a shooter or Bloodborne.  I've got Destiny now, and I hate the crap out of it.  Then a friend convinced me to get both expansions.  Now no one i know is palying it and I'm out 20 bucks.  I have absolute apathy towards Destiny.  I just want to at least get something of my twenty dollars I wasted in enjoyment.  or time towards my ultimate demise.

I hate acheivements and checklists.  I keep thinking about trying to see 100 movies before the year is over.  That's a terrible idea.  Towards that goal I was suffer though something I hate or worse completely apathetic about.  Oh great 2 hours of nothing.  Or a game 8 hours of nothing.  killallgames.exe

Maybe this is a side effect of that I keep a list of media I consume.  I've got lists for years.  I'm happy because it helps my faulty memory about the ways I spend my leisure time.  That energy should be put towards a diary to keep my thoughts down. 


Let's go back to that chart.  It does help define my game a point.  I love playing games with friends.  I definitely prefer hard action to turn based or numbers.  I want action and reaction and control.  I want to play well and be rewarded and punished in my performance.  This probably means I should play fighting games, but I cant' get the focus to spend enough time on them.

Video Game stories are trash garbage for people that only know video games.  I can get behind an environment and just being in a place though.  The creativity % is misleading.  It could be assume that I want to build or design.  I hate those aspects of games.  I do try and push the game and see what it can and cannot do.  Go backwards where-ever possible.  There's probably a bobble there that needs to be picked up and I need that TROPH.


Hopefully in writing this, tomorrow I will make better decisions on my media and I will look at the media as I play it and go "one day I am going to die."  I will then smile and continue to enjoy the media.  Or I will quit and do something else.  Like spend 4 hours tonight just refreshing facebook and twitter.