I have no great love for the Alien franchise. I had hoped going into this film that the "it is it isn't a prequel" debate was just hype surrounding the movie. Nope it is totally a prequel. The last scene proudly announces "Here's the first xenomorph. I'm placing it right here."
I went to see it because I'd hope I'd see more cool alien architecture like in the trailer. You instead see just the cool alien architecture from the trailer. I'd hope I'd hear more of that nightmare bass screaming from the trailer. Instead I got a lot of scenes with life affirming baritone while people said, "This could be answer to everything" over and over again. Or a scene of great beauty with all that baritone. Well the scene isn't that beautiful, but the android certainly ?appears? to find it enthralling.
Also yo, David is an android and the movie takes every chance to remind you of this. He's really the only character in the film. The rest is really poorly-defined. It seems to be a really polarizing film, but I'm on the camp of nothing on screen was interesting. I frequently had to stop and look around the theater because, "Holy shit I can't be watching a film that came out in 2012 can I?" The movie was constantly neverendly ripe for MST3000 riffing. It's not that it's bad in a PsyFy original movie way. It's just boring and a pile of scenes that don't seem really related to each other. There's no strong narrative pull to it. You're just watching this collection of images flash and wish that there was a cut of this movie that was great. There probably is. There's probably 30 minutes of deleted footage that they could put in and take other scenes out and rearrange the whole damn thing and it would be good.
The theory that Old Dude wants X so he gets random chuckleheads as fake pretense? Awesome. Perfect. Totally works. Doesn't make the film any more entertaining for me.
The whole film is pretty stupid and didn't show me enough pretty things. I think a lot of the questions by people that hated the film are stupid. Mostly the ones dealing with "the world". That's stuff I can throw away in the favor of SPACE SHIPS AND ALIENS. David (who is an android) totally knows everything that's going on and is just acting in parallel with everyone else. They could have made that everything else more interesting. Apparently it's not obvious what android David was to most people, so they get to concentrate on useless questions like "What was the different goo" not "Holy shit why did they have the 'father' line?"
It was a dumb dumb film.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Game Gear
I occasionally make really dumb decisions, like decide to play through an entire romset. The notion struck me again a few months ago, to play through the entire Game Gear romset. Back in college I had played through an entire Master System romset. Now I have even more years of useless game knowledge and history to approach it with.
Note: I don't recall ever actually playing a Game Gear or an actual Master System.
Note: I don't recall ever actually playing a Game Gear or an actual Master System.
Friday, June 8, 2012
The Wii Quick Hits
I've had a Wii for about a month now. I've managed to play and try everything I wanted from the physical catalog. I'll try and write posts about some of the more detailed games, but this is here for the lesser titles.
On the Wii itself, I've grown to hate it. I hate how half-assed the motion sensor is. I hate browsing the online store. It thankfully didn't give any trouble connecting to my wireless. I love being able to pause any game at any time though. I don't like that it won't completely turn it self off.
I don't like how the lightgun games make me twist my wrist to point at the TV. That starts to hurt after a while and isn't really comfortable. Waggling never feels good as pressing a button. I also dislike modern Nintendo buttons. I didn't like them on the DS Lite; I don't like them on the Classic Controller Pro. Plugging in my Gamecube controller and playing some of FZero GX and Resident Evil Zero caused me to really notice the contrast in how the buttons feel. Not a lot feels as good as the Gamecube clicky triggers though.
Ultimate Shooting Collection is. is. borrrrinnnggggg. When I played Karous for the first time in Hey Arcade I fell asleep. I fell asleep HERE. I also fell asleep playing it on the Wii. It wins for being the most boring game I've ever played. The other 2 games on the collection aren't much better. Milestone have a gift in making really really boring games. They've got a lot of mileage out of the many many re-releases of them though. I don't know how exactly the stay in business.
I got it for 3 dollars and there is a boring story where I held the 3 dollars in my hand in Gamestop while the employee tried to sell me on a bunch of stuff. They called Last Story a Final Fantasy game. Eventually they took my money.
Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles is something. I really don't have any strong opinions about it outside I played it for about 15 minutes and that is supposedly more than the friend I borrowed it from played it. on Resident Evil 4 I might be the only one that was almost immediately screaming for normal control pad controls. I hated the wii controls almost instinctively. I haven't given it more of a chance because I could just go play any of the available normal control options and be pretty happy.
Super Mario Galaxy 2 really wanted to convince me I was having fun. I almost was, but it also felt limp wristed. I felt like I was going through motions and not really playing a game. It was pushing it's feelings so hard on me I felt like I had to put on airs that I was having fun with it. This seemed really prevalent in Wii games, the illusion that I was having fun.
Epic Yarn also had this problem, but less so. It was kind of nice, but when there are games that are sharp responsive and a bunch of other silly words why should I settle for kind of nice? Look is neat, the story telling was respectful of small children.
I skipped on a lot of Wii games because I'm an unmarried adult without children. I'd much rather aim for something from the 8-bit or 16-bit days than try a game that feels aimed at 10 years but fun for all ages(R).
Trauma Team just stressed me out. I hate how whenever you point with the Wii you see the cursor shaking. That I was simulating delicate surgery just made me freak out. I still love the DS Trauma Center games because of the stress and precision.
Give me 2 analog sticks PLEASE Mad World. Platinum Games always feel like they are trying to appeal to me but were given a list of stuff I might like. They worked really hard and in the end I feel like I am again, being polite by playing them but not really enjoying myself.
Rhythm Heaven Fever and Kororinpa were my picks for all the many party style Wii games. They just made me depressed to be playing them alone. I also definitely felt like there was lag with RHF. Nice games. I'm sure Let's Tap is also a nice game, and the most intellectually honest Wii game.
On the Wii itself, I've grown to hate it. I hate how half-assed the motion sensor is. I hate browsing the online store. It thankfully didn't give any trouble connecting to my wireless. I love being able to pause any game at any time though. I don't like that it won't completely turn it self off.
I don't like how the lightgun games make me twist my wrist to point at the TV. That starts to hurt after a while and isn't really comfortable. Waggling never feels good as pressing a button. I also dislike modern Nintendo buttons. I didn't like them on the DS Lite; I don't like them on the Classic Controller Pro. Plugging in my Gamecube controller and playing some of FZero GX and Resident Evil Zero caused me to really notice the contrast in how the buttons feel. Not a lot feels as good as the Gamecube clicky triggers though.
Ultimate Shooting Collection is. is. borrrrinnnggggg. When I played Karous for the first time in Hey Arcade I fell asleep. I fell asleep HERE. I also fell asleep playing it on the Wii. It wins for being the most boring game I've ever played. The other 2 games on the collection aren't much better. Milestone have a gift in making really really boring games. They've got a lot of mileage out of the many many re-releases of them though. I don't know how exactly the stay in business.
I got it for 3 dollars and there is a boring story where I held the 3 dollars in my hand in Gamestop while the employee tried to sell me on a bunch of stuff. They called Last Story a Final Fantasy game. Eventually they took my money.
Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles is something. I really don't have any strong opinions about it outside I played it for about 15 minutes and that is supposedly more than the friend I borrowed it from played it. on Resident Evil 4 I might be the only one that was almost immediately screaming for normal control pad controls. I hated the wii controls almost instinctively. I haven't given it more of a chance because I could just go play any of the available normal control options and be pretty happy.
Super Mario Galaxy 2 really wanted to convince me I was having fun. I almost was, but it also felt limp wristed. I felt like I was going through motions and not really playing a game. It was pushing it's feelings so hard on me I felt like I had to put on airs that I was having fun with it. This seemed really prevalent in Wii games, the illusion that I was having fun.
Epic Yarn also had this problem, but less so. It was kind of nice, but when there are games that are sharp responsive and a bunch of other silly words why should I settle for kind of nice? Look is neat, the story telling was respectful of small children.
I skipped on a lot of Wii games because I'm an unmarried adult without children. I'd much rather aim for something from the 8-bit or 16-bit days than try a game that feels aimed at 10 years but fun for all ages(R).
Trauma Team just stressed me out. I hate how whenever you point with the Wii you see the cursor shaking. That I was simulating delicate surgery just made me freak out. I still love the DS Trauma Center games because of the stress and precision.
Give me 2 analog sticks PLEASE Mad World. Platinum Games always feel like they are trying to appeal to me but were given a list of stuff I might like. They worked really hard and in the end I feel like I am again, being polite by playing them but not really enjoying myself.
Rhythm Heaven Fever and Kororinpa were my picks for all the many party style Wii games. They just made me depressed to be playing them alone. I also definitely felt like there was lag with RHF. Nice games. I'm sure Let's Tap is also a nice game, and the most intellectually honest Wii game.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: Crystal Bearers (Wii)
Final Fantasy:Crystal Chronicles:Crystal Bearers is great. It's probably my favorite game for the Wii. I haven't played a lot for the system, only having borrowed one for about a month now, but FFCCCB is just terrific. Shame about the clumsy clumsy title.
The first 30 minutes are the high-water mark. You're introduced too new and fantastic things one after another. You're skydiving, your driving the airship Titantic, you've got a chase on Chocobo-back. The characters all speak in this weird non-sense like the dialog was translated literally successively into 6 languages so that any wit or theatrics has been sucked out.
I don't care because the world is constantly giving you all this flavor text that scrolls along the bottom of the screen. It's not buried in menus and it's not intrusive. The world feels alive with tons of people walking around. Then you ride a train, and the train actually travels from point A to point B.
Every new area is another stunning visual marvel. You have a crashed pirate ship bathed in a blood red sunset. Stunning autumn leaves falling upon a Japanese hot spring. Farmland that stretches to the horizon. Then you're platforming through a strange netherworld riding Zhu.
The game is about picking up things and throwing them. Unlike Solatorobo, it's fun if clumsy. The monsters that populate the world are there, and you could get through the game without killing any of them (probably.) You want to fight them because destroying a whole field of monsters gives you another health bar. This doesn't matter in the short term, but you are going to wish you had more health when it comes to the final boss.
The system is deeper than that. You can throw wine at enemies to get them drunk. You throw enemy skeletons at enemy wolves and they run up to wag their tail at you. None of it is necessary, but all of it is welcomed loving detail. The game keeps track of this with an astoundingly long list of possible achievements. Discovering an achievement gives you a hint for 4 other achievements. I didn't dig into that list because it felt like a rabbit of hole of time consumption, but I did welcome how much the game encouraged you to experiment.
And this game is an experiment because it's a game by Akitoshi Kawazu. I think it is anyways. There aren't closing credits. A splash screen thanks you for playing, signed by Kawazu.
The main character never forgets he has super powers which is pretty awesome. You also turn into Silver Surfer for the final boss.
This game constantly wowed me with amazing environments. It makes up for Fragile Dreams: Farwell Ruins of the Moon having a few stunning locations, and then asking me to spend 5 hours in sewers. Don't play Fragile Dreams. Watch this trailer. Then play Crystal Bearers. It's a day at Disney Land the video game!
The first 30 minutes are the high-water mark. You're introduced too new and fantastic things one after another. You're skydiving, your driving the airship Titantic, you've got a chase on Chocobo-back. The characters all speak in this weird non-sense like the dialog was translated literally successively into 6 languages so that any wit or theatrics has been sucked out.
I don't care because the world is constantly giving you all this flavor text that scrolls along the bottom of the screen. It's not buried in menus and it's not intrusive. The world feels alive with tons of people walking around. Then you ride a train, and the train actually travels from point A to point B.
Every new area is another stunning visual marvel. You have a crashed pirate ship bathed in a blood red sunset. Stunning autumn leaves falling upon a Japanese hot spring. Farmland that stretches to the horizon. Then you're platforming through a strange netherworld riding Zhu.
The game is about picking up things and throwing them. Unlike Solatorobo, it's fun if clumsy. The monsters that populate the world are there, and you could get through the game without killing any of them (probably.) You want to fight them because destroying a whole field of monsters gives you another health bar. This doesn't matter in the short term, but you are going to wish you had more health when it comes to the final boss.
The system is deeper than that. You can throw wine at enemies to get them drunk. You throw enemy skeletons at enemy wolves and they run up to wag their tail at you. None of it is necessary, but all of it is welcomed loving detail. The game keeps track of this with an astoundingly long list of possible achievements. Discovering an achievement gives you a hint for 4 other achievements. I didn't dig into that list because it felt like a rabbit of hole of time consumption, but I did welcome how much the game encouraged you to experiment.
And this game is an experiment because it's a game by Akitoshi Kawazu. I think it is anyways. There aren't closing credits. A splash screen thanks you for playing, signed by Kawazu.
The main character never forgets he has super powers which is pretty awesome. You also turn into Silver Surfer for the final boss.
This game constantly wowed me with amazing environments. It makes up for Fragile Dreams: Farwell Ruins of the Moon having a few stunning locations, and then asking me to spend 5 hours in sewers. Don't play Fragile Dreams. Watch this trailer. Then play Crystal Bearers. It's a day at Disney Land the video game!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
God of War III (PS3)
God of War III is stupid. It is really really stupid. Kratos is consumed with a need for a revenge. A need so strong he will kill EVERY LIVING THING. This is not play for a moral message. This is played as to be AWESOME.
The game begins in the middle of something huge. Kratos is on a Titan climbing towards mount Olympus. Apparently shit is going to get real. You and the titan on a macro and micro scale start fighting Poseidon. Your chain blades pass straight through his water crabhorsedragon body like it was on noclip. There's on friction to that attack. On hard mode I hit the enemy and it kind of blinked and it hit me and I flew in the air. I never felt any friction or connection to a fight that was supposed to be AWESOME. Then there are like the mook enemies and you hit like 20 of them and it doesn't feel like you're doing anything.
Then I saw from a first person perspective eyes getting jabbed out. That was Kratos making orange juice with Poseidon. He then fell to Earth and flooded the world. Good job Asshole. I totally want Kratos to be real and come to my birthday party. Then he can Revenge everyone I know because VENGENCE and AWESOME.
Then there's a like a sex minigame?
This shit is embarrassing. I mean the game. Andrew Toups did say it better than I did when he was talking about the prequel more than 5 years ago.
Oh it was completely hilarious when I could just stand in place for 5 seconds while the boss (on hard) did an AWESOME attack that had no chance of hitting me.
The game begins in the middle of something huge. Kratos is on a Titan climbing towards mount Olympus. Apparently shit is going to get real. You and the titan on a macro and micro scale start fighting Poseidon. Your chain blades pass straight through his water crabhorsedragon body like it was on noclip. There's on friction to that attack. On hard mode I hit the enemy and it kind of blinked and it hit me and I flew in the air. I never felt any friction or connection to a fight that was supposed to be AWESOME. Then there are like the mook enemies and you hit like 20 of them and it doesn't feel like you're doing anything.
Then I saw from a first person perspective eyes getting jabbed out. That was Kratos making orange juice with Poseidon. He then fell to Earth and flooded the world. Good job Asshole. I totally want Kratos to be real and come to my birthday party. Then he can Revenge everyone I know because VENGENCE and AWESOME.
Then there's a like a sex minigame?
This shit is embarrassing. I mean the game. Andrew Toups did say it better than I did when he was talking about the prequel more than 5 years ago.
Oh it was completely hilarious when I could just stand in place for 5 seconds while the boss (on hard) did an AWESOME attack that had no chance of hitting me.
Okamiden (DS) and Pure Bladestone
Hey blog how you doing!
I got about 3 hours into the original Okami. I quit because the game didn't just hold my hand-it told me exactly what to do- then congratulate me on doing it. I had just got an ability to revitalize the world. Before I got the chance to try it on a random tree in the overworld (after using it on a special tree in a dungeon) the game said, "hey maybe you should try our new ability on these trees!"
Nope! Time to GO HOME.
So while I was in airports and on airplanes I tried Okamiden. The handholding was lessened just enough that I could enjoy the actual game. The problem was the actual game. It looked quite stunning for a DS game, incredibly close to it's PS2 counterpart. The dog was a cute (it was a dog.) The puzzles were complete nonpuzzles. Stand on the switch. Have your partner stand on the switch. Uh... draw a path for your partner to stand on the switch.
The boss battles were okay, but there's no friction to the combat. There's no technique either. You jam the attack button. Occasionally you draw with the stylus. Even an hour into the game the random enemies were just tedious. This partly had to do with them being separate from the overworld/dungeon. After a dungeon that went on for way way too long I quit.
Then I spent 4 days farming in Demon's Souls for a Pure Bladestone. I spent hours and hours. I looked at forums online and yelled horrible obscenities at the people that got it an hour. Or a day. Or 2 days. I got my friends also doing runs. It's no doubt the rarest item in the game. After the first day it became a vicious white whale that consumed me. I had to do it. My brain couldn't let go.
The weird part is I did this exact same thing about 2 years ago.
It only drops from one (two) enemy in one level. I got it down to where I could make a run in a little over a minute. I sat there for hours doing runs. Talking with friends on Skype. Or my friends were talking, I'd occasionally gasp at my own utter insanity. I debated putting it on my resume. "Able to do a repetitive task for hours for fictional reward."
I got one and proceeded to do what I had planed. Demon's Souls servers are shutting down at the end of this month. That means the online component is gone, which is more than 60% of why the game is so good. So my group and I cheated, duped the most precious item in the game and then proceed to invade other people's games at starting character levels.
There are a lot of new players that are really really awful. Often they're in full armor, which means they die in 3 hits instead of 2 against bosses, and they can't roll. Rolling is how you survive in DS. Most of these players don't even know we are there to kill them. They want our help. We give it, because some of them are completely helpless. Other times we'll be stupendous jackasses to them.
So far my best story is attacking a player with a weapon I can't wield. It deals 1 damage to them. They are casting magic at close range (bad idea.) After being silly and getting to the point where I will die in one hit from them, I switched to a real weapon. 2 hits brought them down to a sliver of life. They started running. or uh..put their back to me. Never put your back to a black phantom. That's the main rule in Demon's Souls. Never put your back to a black phantom. They will stab you in the back. I stabbed him in the back.
I got about 3 hours into the original Okami. I quit because the game didn't just hold my hand-it told me exactly what to do- then congratulate me on doing it. I had just got an ability to revitalize the world. Before I got the chance to try it on a random tree in the overworld (after using it on a special tree in a dungeon) the game said, "hey maybe you should try our new ability on these trees!"
Nope! Time to GO HOME.
So while I was in airports and on airplanes I tried Okamiden. The handholding was lessened just enough that I could enjoy the actual game. The problem was the actual game. It looked quite stunning for a DS game, incredibly close to it's PS2 counterpart. The dog was a cute (it was a dog.) The puzzles were complete nonpuzzles. Stand on the switch. Have your partner stand on the switch. Uh... draw a path for your partner to stand on the switch.
The boss battles were okay, but there's no friction to the combat. There's no technique either. You jam the attack button. Occasionally you draw with the stylus. Even an hour into the game the random enemies were just tedious. This partly had to do with them being separate from the overworld/dungeon. After a dungeon that went on for way way too long I quit.
Then I spent 4 days farming in Demon's Souls for a Pure Bladestone. I spent hours and hours. I looked at forums online and yelled horrible obscenities at the people that got it an hour. Or a day. Or 2 days. I got my friends also doing runs. It's no doubt the rarest item in the game. After the first day it became a vicious white whale that consumed me. I had to do it. My brain couldn't let go.
The weird part is I did this exact same thing about 2 years ago.
It only drops from one (two) enemy in one level. I got it down to where I could make a run in a little over a minute. I sat there for hours doing runs. Talking with friends on Skype. Or my friends were talking, I'd occasionally gasp at my own utter insanity. I debated putting it on my resume. "Able to do a repetitive task for hours for fictional reward."
I got one and proceeded to do what I had planed. Demon's Souls servers are shutting down at the end of this month. That means the online component is gone, which is more than 60% of why the game is so good. So my group and I cheated, duped the most precious item in the game and then proceed to invade other people's games at starting character levels.
There are a lot of new players that are really really awful. Often they're in full armor, which means they die in 3 hits instead of 2 against bosses, and they can't roll. Rolling is how you survive in DS. Most of these players don't even know we are there to kill them. They want our help. We give it, because some of them are completely helpless. Other times we'll be stupendous jackasses to them.
So far my best story is attacking a player with a weapon I can't wield. It deals 1 damage to them. They are casting magic at close range (bad idea.) After being silly and getting to the point where I will die in one hit from them, I switched to a real weapon. 2 hits brought them down to a sliver of life. They started running. or uh..put their back to me. Never put your back to a black phantom. That's the main rule in Demon's Souls. Never put your back to a black phantom. They will stab you in the back. I stabbed him in the back.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Japan Feb 2012 Part 10
In my final evening in Japan I witnessed what has to be the most vapid display of television.
Holy. I just sat there with my mouth agape. It's amazing in it's anti-entertainment. Look at those lack of production values. How often the camera is off doing an Eva budget thing while people talk. How the whole show is these girls talking about nothing at all. They build snowmen and then look at pictures of the snowmen then the episode ends.
Sambomaster - 絶望と欲望と男の子と女の子
My 100 yen nail clippers I'd been using for the past 4 years stopped working, so I had to replace them with new ones. The new ones are not as good as my old ones But they do have a floral design. But this is about my final day in Tokyo!
Holy. I just sat there with my mouth agape. It's amazing in it's anti-entertainment. Look at those lack of production values. How often the camera is off doing an Eva budget thing while people talk. How the whole show is these girls talking about nothing at all. They build snowmen and then look at pictures of the snowmen then the episode ends.
Sambomaster - 絶望と欲望と男の子と女の子
My 100 yen nail clippers I'd been using for the past 4 years stopped working, so I had to replace them with new ones. The new ones are not as good as my old ones But they do have a floral design. But this is about my final day in Tokyo!
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